she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
