man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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