dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
