What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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