i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
