If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she looked like the before picture.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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