My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
