I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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