i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
