You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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