Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
