break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
