You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
