just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
