Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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