I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
