You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
