He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A+ Viking dick
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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