I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
