Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
