tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
