See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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