I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
