i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I believe in your delicious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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