Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
