Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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