So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do vagina's smell?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
