How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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