remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
