Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
