I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
