i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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