WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
