Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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