she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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