nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
