idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
