Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
