I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
