he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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