Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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