Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
