I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
