I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
