hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
