i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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