My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
