After last night, I could never be a politician.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
