The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize