dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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