Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Terrible idea I love it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
